Greetings all,
It is with a saddened soul that I send you this e-mail. As much as it pains me to write these words, it's time has come. The last stone that I could think of has been turned over and there is no more hope. We will not be adding Katarina and Nathaniel to our family. Almost exactly 2 years ago we started this journey and we find ourselves emotionally drained, angry, empty, and unsure of what lies before us in the pursuit of adoption.
I (Mark) do not have a category in which to place how I feel and how I am thankful for each of you and your support, money, prayers, sacrifices, and overwhelming thoughtfulness towards our family's endeavors to bring these two wonderful children into our home. It is a debt I cannot repay. I desire to either show you pictures of our new children or ask for forgiveness because we failed. I do not know how to respond to where we find ourselves. I cannot count the hours my incredible wife has spent the past 2 years to receive these kids, to be faithful to the call, to do everything in excellence and love. The mounds of paperwork...re-done an infinite amount of times, phone calls, e-mails, trips to the state house, 5 mammoth garage sales,planning our trip, and countless areas of service. Months of her life that can never be returned and she offered them willingly with only the hope for these kids. I am a blessed man.
Many have asked what went wrong. The big picture did not become truly clear until the past month or so. We were told often by other local facilitators while in Odessa that our facilitator was not professional and was misrepresenting us to the local officials. Because we put our trust in her we believed she was doing all she could to help us. The truth is her supervisor/team members mis-translated our home study and was not thorough in catching some key phrases that could be seen as red flags to the local officials. Once presented to the local officials there was opportunities to correct the misinformation but our facilitator mishandled the opportunity. Most of our last weeks in Odessa was spent trying to repair the damage that our family was going to financially benefit from this adoption and that our house was too small because the home study was mistranslated concerning the size of our house and the amount of rooms we have. The word 'benefit' is what caused rumors to circulate that this pastor and his family which later was referred to in the court house as the 'scandal', was going to benefit or be compensated by recieving thes children. We were not allowed to amend our paperwork with the correct information and the bias was already in place. Our facilitator, who also lived with us for most of the month kept this information to herself allowing us to believe all would be fixed and turning the blame toward the judge and social worker. In working through a new translator the past few weeks we have learned the damage to our case was too severe and there are too many levels of bureaucracy would need to be overturned in order for us to be successful. The kicker came 2 weeks ago when we learned that in Sept. that our facilitator was told that we were given a negative report she responded by saying, "you can't give them a negative report I have already used the money to send my son, his wife, and daughter to England to find work". We knew of this side story in her life because she asked us to pray for her son and their safety and give us frequent updates to their situation. So we feel betrayed, used, and violated. Yet, we know we are to forgive them, whether it was intentional or unintentional, we are called to love and to forgive and we are working through that now.
We also prepare to grieve. We as a family need to put this appropriately behind us and find ourselves in the One who makes all things new and can redeem any situation.
We received a significant portion of the money back from one person involved in the process and that money is with Lifesong which can be used for others to adopt if we choose not to pursue any further. Which to be honest...does not seem likely at least with our present state of mind and heart. In order to continue a Ukrainian adoption we would need to go over another 4-6 weeks, which is not possible at this time. We desire to be supportive of other families who desire to adopt and want to help with the information and experience we gleaned from our experience. We know that each adoption has it's own story. We truly desire to be advocates in the 'care for orphans'. Only God knows what is in store for us next.
I can't say 'thank you' enough. There are many of you who have gone way above the call of duty to support us and I truly wish I could return your monies, time, and resources. Again, I have no category for this and I can never truly repay you and your kindness to our family. So..thank you! Thank you for your service, love, and kindness. May the Lord bless you as you have blessed us.
We know the Lord will care for Katarina and Nathaniel. We pray for their 'forever family'.
To His glory and Grace,
Mark (and Diane and kids)
